Nurturing a Sensitive Grit
Patience, Persistence, and Courage in the Art of Living Beautifully [Newsletter #49]
Hello wonderful people,
Welcome to issue #49! ( 7 x 7 ! ) of this Wisdom-Workshop-themed collection of quotes, links, and questions for writing the good life, living beautifully, and facilitating learning.
I like the number 49 a lot. Our first workshops are 7 weeks (each of 7 days), in an early, fun bid for a more iterative and agile educational framework that mimics the generative processes of nature.
Thanks for being here!
💎 Gems on Perseverance and Sensitivity
“When in doubt, tidy up.”
―Brian Eno, musician and writer of Oblique Strategies
“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”
― Elie Wiesel, writer and holocaust survivor
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, psychiatrist and grief researcher
““We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”
―Aristotle, philosopher
“A truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: a human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.”
―Pearl S. Buck, writer
🔗 Learning Links
Schaffner points out that “True perseverance … is flanked by two ancient virtues: courage and patience.” I find this super compelling, especially with regard to Eno’s reminder that I quoted above: “When in doubt, tidy up.” Kleon offers a great counterpoint the Kondo-style de-cluttering that we explored last week :
“…while The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up can work wonders on your sock drawer or your kitchen pantry, I have serious doubts about its usefulness to artists and creative people. Some of my favorite artists not only have messy studios, they have intentionally messy studios, because they understand that creativity is about connections, and connections are not made by siloing everything off into its own space.”
It may take courage, in other words, to cultivate a truly creative mess. 😊
Schaffner writes: “As both Duckworth and Dweck argue, we can hone our ability to persevere, irrespective of our starting point… take a measured and humble kaizen approach to our own improvement … however small that change may be.”
To experiment with the Kaizen approach we use in Writing the Good Life:
✍️ What extremely small step can I take to improve my daily process?
✍️ How can I cultivate the conditions to help me take that step for 49 days?
Scott Barry Kaufman, on providing a nurturing environment for our sensitive children (or our sensitive selves) : “What the dandelion-orchid data tells us is that sensitivity — particularly under nurturing conditions — can be a gift.” Academic nerds might be interested in the development of the Highly Sensitive Child scale.
How Creativity Makes Us Feel Alive - With reference to five different kinds of sensitivities : psychomotor, sensual, intellectual, imaginational, or emotional — Scott Barry Kaufman writes : “the process of inner transformation is itself a creative process, for through the process of advanced inner development, you are literally creating a new self.” He concludes:
“Though living with intense sensitivity often makes life more difficult, to be sure, psychologist Sharon Lind implores us to remember that being overexcitable also “brings with it great joy, astonishment, compassion and creativity.”
📚 Sources
📚 Chapter 8 on “Persevere” in the The Art of Self-Improvement : Ten Timeless Truths by Anna Katharina Schaffner (2021).
📚 Chapter 8 on “Sensitivity” in Wired To Create : Unraveling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind by Scott Barry Kaufman (2016).
🤓 Nurturing Sensitivities with Patience and Courage
4.14.2023
Dear ChatGPT:
How do I understand and manage my own levels of sensitivity? Can you frame sensitivity management in more ecological, gardening metaphors and still be scientifically-grounded?
Understanding and managing your own levels of sensitivity can be approached by observing your reactions to various situations, gaining self-awareness, and implementing strategies to regulate and balance your sensitivities. It's possible to think of sensitivity management in ecological or gardening metaphors while maintaining a scientifically-grounded perspective. Here's how you can approach it:
Self-observation and awareness: Just as a gardener observes the needs of each plant in their garden, take note of how you respond to different situations and stimuli. Identify your areas of sensitivity, whether they are emotional, cognitive, or sensory. Recognize patterns in your reactions and become aware of your unique needs.
Create a nurturing environment: In the same way that plants thrive in the right soil and climate conditions, create an environment that supports your well-being and helps manage your sensitivities. This may involve minimizing exposure to overwhelming stimuli, surrounding yourself with supportive people, or creating a calming space for relaxation and reflection.
Set boundaries: Just as a gardener sets boundaries to protect their plants from pests and diseases, establish healthy boundaries for yourself. Learn to say no when necessary, communicate your needs to others, and protect your energy and well-being.
Practice self-care: Tending to a garden requires regular maintenance and care. Similarly, prioritize self-care activities that help manage your sensitivities, such as mindfulness, meditation, physical exercise, or engaging in creative outlets that help you process your emotions and thoughts.
Develop coping strategies: In gardening, certain plants may need extra support or care to thrive. Similarly, develop personalized coping strategies to help you manage your sensitivities, such as grounding techniques, deep breathing exercises, or seeking professional support when needed.
Embrace growth and adaptability: A gardener must adapt to changing conditions and learn from their experiences to help their garden flourish. Be open to learning from your experiences, refining your sensitivity management strategies, and adapting to new situations.
Celebrate your uniqueness: Each plant in a garden contributes to the overall beauty and diversity of the ecosystem. Embrace your unique sensitivities and recognize the strengths they bring, such as heightened empathy, creativity, or problem-solving abilities.
By using ecological or gardening metaphors to understand and manage your sensitivities, you can develop a more holistic, scientifically-grounded approach to self-care and personal growth.
Talk to me about creating the nurturing conditions that we need to turn our sensitivities into gifts, particularly in interpersonal environments.
Creating nurturing conditions to transform sensitivities into gifts, particularly in interpersonal environments, involves fostering a supportive atmosphere, cultivating understanding and empathy, and developing effective communication strategies. Here are some suggestions to help you create such an environment:
Build a supportive and inclusive culture: Encourage a positive atmosphere where everyone feels valued, respected, and included. Acknowledge each individual's unique strengths, needs, and sensitivities, and promote a sense of belonging.
Encourage open communication: Create a safe space for individuals to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs openly without fear of judgment or criticism. Foster an environment that values active listening and respectful dialogue, where everyone feels heard and understood.
Practice empathy and understanding: Encourage empathy by fostering an awareness of and sensitivity to the feelings and experiences of others. Validate emotions and show understanding towards each individual's unique needs and sensitivities.
Set healthy boundaries: Encourage group members to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in their relationships. This includes respecting others' limits, expressing personal needs, and maintaining a balance between self-care and the care of others.
Provide tools and resources for self-regulation: Offer resources, tools, and techniques that individuals can use to manage their sensitivities and emotions effectively, such as mindfulness practices, breathing exercises, or grounding techniques.
Encourage collaboration and adaptability: Create opportunities for individuals to work together on projects or tasks, allowing them to learn from each other's strengths and sensitivities. Encourage flexibility and adaptability in problem-solving and decision-making processes.
Offer positive reinforcement and feedback: Recognize and celebrate the unique gifts and contributions of each individual, particularly when they successfully leverage their sensitivities in interpersonal situations. Offer constructive feedback to help individuals continue to grow and develop their skills.
Provide opportunities for personal growth and development: Offer workshops, training sessions, or mentorship programs that help individuals build self-awareness, enhance communication skills, and develop strategies for managing sensitivities in interpersonal contexts.
By fostering an environment that nurtures individuals' unique sensitivities and provides the necessary support, tools, and resources, you can create a thriving interpersonal environment where sensitivities are transformed into gifts that contribute to personal growth, connection, and collaboration.
Talk to me about how Dabrowski's “positive disintegration” connects with transformative learning paradigms.
Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration is a psychological theory that provides an interesting framework for understanding personal development and growth. The theory posits that personal growth often involves a process of disintegration and reintegration, where individuals confront internal conflicts and ultimately transform their values, beliefs, and self-concept. This transformation leads to higher levels of personal development and emotional maturity.
In transformative learning, individuals experience a shift in their frames of reference, which can be triggered by a disorienting dilemma or critical life event. This shift involves a process of critical reflection, dialogue, and exploration of alternative perspectives, ultimately leading to a transformed understanding of oneself and the world.
Similarly, Dabrowski's Positive Disintegration involves a process of disintegration and reintegration, where individuals confront and resolve internal conflicts and tensions, ultimately achieving higher levels of emotional complexity, self-awareness, and personal development.
Both transformative learning and Dabrowski's theory emphasize the importance of self-examination, critical reflection, and the willingness to embrace change and growth. By understanding these connections, educators and learners can better appreciate the role of internal conflicts, tensions, and critical reflection in fostering personal growth and transformation.
Can you connect Dabrowski’s theory of Positive Disintegration back to persistence, patience, and courage?
Persistence, patience, and courage are essential qualities that play a significant role in both transformative learning and Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration. These qualities enable individuals to navigate the challenges, internal conflicts, and uncertainties that arise during the processes of personal growth and transformation.
Persistence: Both transformative learning and Dabrowski's theory involve confronting and working through internal conflicts, tensions, and disorienting dilemmas. Persistence allows individuals to stay committed to their growth and development, even when progress seems slow or uncertain. It helps them to keep moving forward despite setbacks, obstacles, or doubts that may arise during their transformative journey.
Patience: Personal growth and transformation often require time and space to reflect, explore, and integrate new perspectives, values, and beliefs. Patience enables individuals to give themselves the necessary time to engage in this process without the pressure of immediate results. It allows them to accept the inherent uncertainty and discomfort that may accompany change and growth, trusting that their efforts will eventually lead to a deeper understanding and more authentic way of being.
Courage: Both transformative learning and Dabrowski's theory involve confronting and questioning one's assumptions, beliefs, and values. This requires courage, as it often entails stepping outside of one's comfort zone, challenging the status quo, and embracing vulnerability. Courage allows individuals to face their fears, take risks, and explore uncharted territory, fostering the innovation, authenticity, and originality that are hallmarks of personal growth and transformation.
By cultivating persistence, patience, and courage, individuals can better navigate the challenges and uncertainties that arise during the processes of transformative learning and positive disintegration. These qualities support personal growth, resilience, and the development of a more integrated, authentic, and emotionally mature sense of self.
✌ Thank You
I hope this email encourages us all to take care of our sensitivities with grit and a growth-mindset.
Until next time, yours in re-imagining midlife education,
Sean
🏛️ Workshop News
By popular request, we now offer $49 / month subscription-memberships! 🎉
Reach out if you want some accountability, community and personalized support to advance your inner development in a way that actually matters.
Next live cohorts — to which your membership grants you access — start in May.
🎙 Sean Waters Upcoming Live Events
🎧Friday, April 21: “Tell Her That I Love Her” Release Date! First single we’ve released since 2021… and it’s a fun one. Follow along on Spotify or Apple Music.
🎵 Saturday, April 22 : Sean Waters and Friends at the Forge Publick House in Fort Collins, Colorado | 21+ | 8-10pm MST
🎵 Friday, April 28 : Sean Waters and Friends at Wolverine Farm as a part of FoCoMX 2023 : Fort Collins, Colorado | All Ages | 9:30-10:30 pm MST / Tickets.
🪴 Wednesday, May 3 : Start of the next cohort of Foundations of the Good Life on Mindful Writing and Good Life Design. Virtual on Zoom, Seven Weeks at 7pm MT.
🖼️ Tuesday, May 9 : Start of the next cohort for life-artists in The Art of Living Beautifully. Virtual on Zoom, 12 weeks at 1pm MT.
Want to schedule a chat? Schedule a call with me.
I acknowledge that the land where I write these words was the traditional and ancestral homelands of the Arapaho, Cheyenne, and Ute Nations and peoples. This was also a site of trade, gathering, and healing for numerous other Native tribes. I recognize the Indigenous peoples as original stewards of this land and all the relatives within it.
Even a garden needs boundaries!!!